The Best 3 Seconds of Your Day...

This little :03 nugget of complete fantasticism triggers a wealth of questions...

1. How did MacGyver know this malcontent was behind the door? In order to get his body to move with that amount of foresight, wouldn't he have had to know what was on the other side?

2. Why did he use both fists? Wouldn't one suffice?

Side note: This is a very "un-MacGyver-like" move... You'll notice, he takes himself completely off his feet, leaving him relatively vulnerable...

3. Who is the mystery goon that falls into frame at the end? Did perhaps a sidekick employ the same ridiculous fist flurry? Was this a coordinated, synchronized perhaps even choreographed confrontation?

4. Why are both goons wearing white suits?

You can ask all the questions you like, but in the end you realize that all is as it should be in MacGyverland...

Be careful out there...

Do You Have Your Own Day? 'Cuz I Friggin' Do...

Click Here to Get Super Jealous...

Probably one of the coolest things to ever happen to me...

Even though the majority of the information is inaccurate, I'm stoked they gave me 24 whole hours...

In efforts to help the Chaskans have a more authentic celebration next year I offer the following suggestions...

1. The entire day should be spent in pajama pants, slippers and t-shirts brandishing ironic slogans and 80's references...

2. 80-95% of your day at work should be spent in headphones...

3. Party balls...

Be careful out there...

Coming up With New Blogging Material Proving to be More Difficult Than Amateur Blogger Thought it Was Going to be...

Quantity of Bumper Stickers Closely Tied to Shittiness of Driver...

A recent study conducted by me over the course of my entire driving career has given way to a major breakthrough in the relationship between shitty drivers and bumper-stickers they proudly display to the world.

And after much deliberation and math, I've come up with a simple equation displayed on the rear-window of the above atrocity...

Be careful out there...

"Awesome" is Awesomely Misused...

Every so often, pop culture grabs hold of a word and abuses it to such a degree, that it all but loses its original meaning... Today, I would like to examine the word "awesome"...

The word itself means to inspire a sense of "awe", however it was popularized in the 80's as a way for the oh, so confused decade to describe situations of semi-excitable approval... As a direct result of this misappropriation, it is very rarely used correctly today...

Here are a few examples of the distinction between the two:

Things that are "Awesome":
-The Pyramids
-The Sistine Chapel
-Receiving an H.J. in Public

Things that aren't "Awesome", but are referred to as such:
-The pizza guy arriving
-Last night when your buddy vomited on the dance-floor and some chicks shoes
-A 24-hour "COPS" marathon (debatable)

While the fore mentioned non-awesome items are certainly great, they require a less dramatic word to be coupled with their experience...

If we as a society are so pressed for words that describe approval in a quasi-enthusiastic manner, might I suggest bringing back "Rad"...

"Rad" is easier to say, plus it has the long-hand option of "radical" available for circumstances that require a little extra exuberance...

Just a thought...

Be careful out there...

Yep, The Packers have a DJ...

Who in God's name green-lit this one...?

DJ Malcolm made his "scratch-tastic" debut on opening night at Lambeau Field just one American-hour before kick-off... Seeing something like this, I can comfortably say that I bore witness to the lamest, most forced and awkward white moment in history...

Not only does this kind of music have no business being anywhere near Green Bay, WI, after doing a little research (http://www.myspace.com/djmalcolmmcintosh) apparently this master of the turntables is from Australia... Which makes the whole situation that much more confusing...

So. to recap...

A white Australian "bloke" came to America with two turntables and a pocket full of dreams... Only to get a gig scratching house music in Green Bay, Wisconsin one hour before game time- when the only people in the stadium to hear him were elderly Packers fans who like to get there before it gets too crowded..

It is safe to say that DJ Malcolm's set closed to little applause amongst a sea of disgusted and confused senior-citizens, and long snappers...

Awkward it was...

Do People Really Eat at Stripclub Buffets?

Obviously they do, otherwise these watermarks of classiness wouldn't continue to spend the time and money on keeping buffet items on hand... This strange pairing of food and flesh is either brilliant or overtly offensive... Either way, a stripclub buffet has to attract a pretty bizarre crowd...

I just wonder what goes through the mind of a "first-timer" upon entering a stripclub at mid-day with a rumble in his belly, and a stirring in his pants...

I see two polarizing experiences...

Perspective A:

"Alright... No cover, all I can eat for $10.00 and naked chicks... The dude who pioneered this is a friggin' genius... Sweeeet, they have chicken wings, mozzarella stix and pizza? Nice, there's a prime spot - right by the stage... Awww yeah! This shit is the bomb! this next set is a 2 for 1 AND I still have 45 minutes of my lunch break to enjoy rad food and the female form... I would be stupid to not do this at least once a week..."

Perspective B:

"Oh, boy... Can't believe I'm doing this, but a $10.00 buffet is a $10.00 buffet...
Yikes, what kind of sleaze-ball sat in his office and thought that this was a good idea?
Well, at least I get to see some hot spripp-- oh good lord, is that a birthmark, or a scab? That's a scab, definitely a scab... How do you get a scab up there?
Shit, I actually have to eat here, huh?... Don't suppose they have an "Ace of Diamonds clean-team" either...Okay, lets find a decent spot to sit -- I can't be too close to the stage so I can avoid looking/feeling/being creepy... Who am I kidding; today I'm a bonafide cheese-dick...
Oh god, I have to sit next to the 'nam vet in the wheelchair who looks chatty... Oh boy, "scabby" just finished her set and is headed this way... Alright, lesson learned... No longer do I care about the $10.00, just get me the fuck out of this place..."

I would like to think I would be of the latter experience, but who knows...

I guess I could equate it to... To be honest, I don't think there is much you can equate eating food at a strip club to...