Thursday, April 1, 2010

Steve Jobs Successfully Shrinks Himself





Just when you thought Apple couldn't be more cutting edge, Steve Jobs announced Wednesday that he has successfully shrunken himself with new Apple "iShrunk" technology. Pictured above with his iPhone for comparison, he has dropped down near toddler stature at a mere 2' 4''. I know I'm supposed to keep my objective reserve here, but HOLY SHIT!!!

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

Certain Abbreviations Really Chap my Ass...



Alright, I'm all for saving some time here and there... For example: Taking back-roads during rush-hour, pounding whiskey instead of drinking beer (the tortuous of boose)...

But why, oh why, do certain folks feel the need to abbreviate words that to type out in full would literally tack-on mere fractions of seconds?

Tix - trying to convey "tickets"...
Man, do I hate this one... Boy, those extra 4 letters reeeeally must irk you if your willing to come off as a complete butt-hole in lieu of those additional key-strokes...

Thx - Often used as a salutation, but comes off as snide, pompas closing...
Used in a professional setting, I can think of few things that make you seem less professional (aside from emoticons, of course - article to follow)

ASAP - of course meaning "As Soon As Possible"
Unless you've prefaced this abbreviation with "PBR me" - this should never appear in anyone's repetior of short-cuts...

Perhaps I'm being a bit too critical, but 3 years of fielding E-mails from folks who pull-down adult salaries, and conduct themselves like 12-year-olds when it comes to communication has resulted in the further jadefication of Andrew Peterson...

Maybe I'll go have a PBR... ASAP...

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

Australian Wildfires: Tragic, Adorable...

Alright, I'm fully aware that the Australian wildfires have unfortunately claimed over 200 human lives, and for that I am very bummed... That being said...



Holy Shit!!!

This is one of the greatest pictures I have ever seen... Ever... I feel like this picture will set back Australian stereotypes at least 10-15 years... We're talking Crocodile Dundee, Outback Steakhouse, Boomerang, "Dingo Ate Your Baby" grade material...

Look, he's holding his hand! I feel like right after this picture was taken, the Firefighter gently lowered the bottle of water, the Koala looked up and said "Ahhhh... Cheers, mate", then asked him the score the of the Futball match...

Be careful out there... Especially if you're in Australia...

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

The Best 3 Seconds of Your Day...





This little :03 nugget of complete fantasticism triggers a wealth of questions...

1. How did MacGyver know this malcontent was behind the door? In order to get his body to move with that amount of foresight, wouldn't he have had to know what was on the other side?

2. Why did he use both fists? Wouldn't one suffice?

Side note: This is a very "un-MacGyver-like" move... You'll notice, he takes himself completely off his feet, leaving him relatively vulnerable...

3. Who is the mystery goon that falls into frame at the end? Did perhaps a sidekick employ the same ridiculous fist flurry? Was this a coordinated, synchronized perhaps even choreographed confrontation?

4. Why are both goons wearing white suits?

You can ask all the questions you like, but in the end you realize that all is as it should be in MacGyverland...

Be careful out there...

Thursday, October 30, 2008

Do You Have Your Own Day? 'Cuz I Friggin' Do...


Click Here to Get Super Jealous...

Probably one of the coolest things to ever happen to me...

Even though the majority of the information is inaccurate, I'm stoked they gave me 24 whole hours...

In efforts to help the Chaskans have a more authentic celebration next year I offer the following suggestions...

1. The entire day should be spent in pajama pants, slippers and t-shirts brandishing ironic slogans and 80's references...

2. 80-95% of your day at work should be spent in headphones...

3. Party balls...

Be careful out there...

Tuesday, October 7, 2008

Quantity of Bumper Stickers Closely Tied to Shittiness of Driver...


A recent study conducted by me over the course of my entire driving career has given way to a major breakthrough in the relationship between shitty drivers and bumper-stickers they proudly display to the world.

And after much deliberation and math, I've come up with a simple equation displayed on the rear-window of the above atrocity...

Be careful out there...